Why some girls wear ‘boy clothes’ — and why parents shouldn’t worry (2024)
When many of us adults were growing up, society imposed stricter expectations around gender roles, from how we were ‘supposed’ to behave and dress to what career paths were ‘appropriate.’
Over time, even as many of these so-called ‘norms’ have faded away, parents may still feel concerned if their daughter dresses “like a boy” or vice versa. But there’s no rulebook, experts say, and it’s normal and healthy for kids to experiment with self-expression.
“One important point to make here is that all clothing is for all people, inclusive of gender and sex assigned at birth,” says Samantha Pflum, a clinical child psychologist at UNC Chapel Hill School of Medicine. “We often receive external social and cultural cues that encourage us to separate ‘boy clothes’ from ‘girl clothes,’ but this is a limited and binary view that can suppress our creativity and flexibility with self-expression,” she explains.
“We often receive external social and cultural cues that encourage us to separate ‘boy clothes’ from ‘girl clothes,’ but this is a limited and binary view that can suppress our creativity and flexibility with self-expression.”
— SAMANTHA PFLUM, CLINICAL CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST
What’s the difference: gender identity vs. gender expression ?
First, a quick explainer: when Pflum says ‘sex assigned at birth,’ thisindicates how someone is identified as a baby based on physical characteristics. However, as this person matures, they may internally identify with a different gender. And how they outwardly express themselves is a separate piece of their identity.
“Gender expression is the term we use to describe how one expresses themselves in a way that fits with our cultural norms of gender,” says Juanita Hodax, a pediatric endocrinologist and co-director of Seattle Children’s Gender Clinic. “We often think of ‘boy clothes’ or ‘girl hairstyles’ — it simplifies it, but gender expression can be how someone chooses to express themselves in that context.”
Gender identity, on the other hand, is how someone internally identifies, like male, female or nonbinary. Their gender expression may clearly align with their gender identity, but it might not.
This popular Gender Unicorn graphic from Trans Student Educational Resources offers a helpful way to visualize these distinctive aspects of gender.
When kids begin to see gender differences
Kids learn these concepts younger than you may realize. Hodax says by around age 3 or 4, most children start to understand that boys and girls’ bodies are different. They start pointing out different genders in books or toys, and they may even articulate that they feel more like a boy or girl, she explains.
Once children start attending formal school, they often form stronger preferences for types of dress or self-expression, Pflum adds. “At or after age 5, we often see kids begin to develop more of an understanding of gender, including ways that gender identity and expression are fluid and flexible,” she adds.
It’s important to know that all of these concepts are separate from sexual orientation, or who you’re emotionally or physically attracted to. While clothing choices can be influenced by that — for example, there’s a stereotype of lesbians dressing more masculine — that’s typically not at play for young kids, Hodax explains. She says children often don’t experience attraction until later, well after they gain a sense of gender identity.
Why exploration is natural and healthy
It’s helpful to remember that young children haven’t yet absorbed society’s gender norms. “For younger kids, it’s very common to explore different gender expressions,” Hodax says. “A lot of kids do this during dress-up play or pretend play. It may mean that they’re exploring their gender identity as well, but a lot of times, they’re just exploring expression and seeing how these different things feel.”
“For younger kids, it’s very common to explore different gender expressions. A lot of kids do this during dress-up play or pretend play. It may mean that they’re exploring their gender identity as well, but a lot of times, they’re just exploring expression and seeing how these different things feel.”
— JUANITA HODAX, PEDIATRIC ENDOCRINOLOGIST
Pflum urges parents to understand that what some consider ‘girls in boy clothes’ isn’t pathological, but a normal form of self-expression. “Children are often wonderfully creative and fun with their dress and other forms of self-expression,” Pflum says.
She adds that kids dressing in certain clothes could be communicating messagings unrelated to gender — for example, they may simply like the colors, textures or design.
Why you can’t make assumptions based on a child’s clothing choices
Exploration with clothing or style may or may not mean any number of things, says Pflum.
If a child is only wearing specific clothes during playtime or certain times, Hodax says, it can mean something different from someone who wants that gender expression all the time or wants a more permanent change like a haircut.
If someone who’s assigned female at birth (AFAB) dresses in stereotypically masculine clothes, Hodax explains, “it may just be how they express themselves, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it also aligns with what their gender identity is.” In other words, just because she dresses in a way that’s perceived more like a boy doesn’t mean she identifies as a boy.
“AFAB children who dress in ‘masculine’ ways may grow up to identify as transgender, gender nonbinary or queer, but this is not something that can be inferred from dress alone,” Pflum notes.
For some kids, however, it could eventually indicate deeper gender identity exploration. “When children are expressing a gender identity different from their sex assigned at birth, we often look for whether they are insistent, consistent and persistent in this expression,” Pflum says. This may be apparent if a child constantly talks about feeling uncomfortable or distressed by the appearance of their body or how their gender is perceived by others, she adds.
“When children are expressing a gender identity different from their sex assigned at birth, we often look for whether they are insistent, consistent and persistent in this expression.”
— SAMANTHA PFLUM
It could also mean, for some people, that they’re questioning their gender identity. It’s highly personal, so it’s key to not make assumptions.
Why parental support is critical
As a parent, your job is simple: support your child as they explore all aspects of their identity. “We know that support from parents and families can make such a big difference in the health and well-being of kids,” Hodax says.
“For example, letting our kids choose whatever clothes make them more comfortable, whether those are clothes we think of as being associated with boys or girls — they’re just clothes.” Hodax suggests rather than pointing out that clothes are for a different gender, focus on what makes kids feel happy and most like themselves.
Pflum says it’s also crucial that parents avoid forcing children to wear clothes that don’t feel comfortable or authentic to them. For example, she says, a girl forced to wear a dress against her will may express discomfort, sadness and frustration.
“Children are so much more than their clothing — they are smart, perceptive, creative and kind,” Pflum says. “Perhaps empowering this child to choose her own clothing for an event will enable her personality to shine even more!”
“Children are so much more than their clothing — they are smart, perceptive, creative and kind.”
— SAMANTHA PFLUM
Keep lines of communication open
As your child explores, don’t be afraid to talk about it. “I always encourage parents to keep an open dialogue with their children to learn about all of the different ways they express themselves, inclusive of clothing, hair, interests and speech,” Pflum says.
Hodax says this can also help your child communicate. “A lot of times, kids may struggle to find the words to describe why they’re choosing things, and a parent may not know if the child just likes certain things about the clothes or because they’re exploring their gender identity,” she explains. “By asking and talking about it in a supportive way, it can open up the conversation and give the kid space to talk about their thought process.” For example, she says: “Yes, of course, you can wear this outfit. Can you tell me why you like this one instead of your other outfits?”
If it becomes apparent that your child isn’t just exploring or practicing gender expression, and they’re struggling with gender identity or sexual orientation, your support is crucial — and could be lifesaving. According to The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ youth are 40% less likely to attempt suicide if they have at least one accepting adult in their life.
Hodax encourages concerned parents to reach out to their pediatrician or primary care provider. They may suggest counseling, or if the child has reached puberty and is struggling with gender identity, to visit a gender clinic like hers.
Regardless of what’s driving your child’s outfit choices, experts say the best move as a parent is to try to unlearn society’s gender norms and support your child’s uniqueness. According to Pflum, “Making space for children to express themselves through dress, name, pronouns and mannerisms can communicate that all of their identities are welcomed and accepted.”
It may mean that they're exploring their gender identity as well, but a lot of times, they're just exploring expression and seeing how these different things feel.” Pflum urges parents to understand that what some consider 'girls in boy clothes' isn't pathological, but a normal form of self-expression.
Should we be worried? Children dressing up as the opposite gender is very common (almost as common, in fact, as parents who are worried about this behavior.) But rest assured, it is perfectly normal. Dressing up and playing pretend is the activity of choice for children of this age.
Even before pants, when men were wearing long robes or tunics, they were often a short version of the female full length outfit. So it comes down to a cultural tradition of modesty, with long, full skirts that hide a woman's legs from the world, and even trying to skirt the subject of women having legs at all.
In early adolescence, they may reject clothing you buy for them simply because they want their style to feel their own. Talking with your teen about what types of clothes they like is a great way of showing them you care about their world while also saving money by avoiding purchasing anything they'll refuse to wear.
Tell your parents the reasons behind your desire to dress in girls' clothing. Be specific about how dressing in this way does or would make you feel, how you benefit from it, or what occasion you want to wear this clothing for.
Over time, even as many of these so-called 'norms' have faded away, parents may still feel concerned if their daughter dresses “like a boy” or vice versa. But there's no rulebook, experts say, and it's normal and healthy for kids to experiment with self-expression.
If your child is demanding to wear or not wear certain clothing because of a seam, particular fit, or type of fabric, then it's likely because of their sensory system. All of us have some sensory quirks, maybe your child likes to wear their socks inside out or always have a dress on.
The skirt goes back centuries in Ancient Egypt. Curiously the first 'skirts' were actually worn by men. These simple garments were similar to a wraparound skirt that was belted at the waist, called the Shendyt. This skirt was made from locally sourced materials, which in this case, was flax (linen).
Some guys like tight pants more while others prefer their partner to wear a dress or skirt. It depends on the guy and the occasion, but in general, both styles are attractive and will turn most men on.
However, the demarcation between trousers-for-men and skirts-for-women wasn't actually completely set in stone until around the 19th century. For an extremely long time, the tunic or short skirt was a key part of the male outfit in medieval and Renaissance Europe; just going out with hose wasn't seen as acceptable.
Parents should control what their kids wear to some extent but avoid imposing their choice. If you don't like some outfits, your kids might not like wearing some clothes. Therefore, their choice matters a lot. If your kid wants to dress up like his friend, you should respect his choice.
They help show off your beautiful curves or abs, making you feel more confident in yourself. The fact that all shapes and sizes can pull of a crop top is why crop tops are so popular.
They're deemed as inappropriate and too revealing–how many stories have we heard about girls being sent home from school because of their “inappropriate outfit”? The truth is, you don't have to bare it all to rock this piece! Crop tops can totally be professional and appropriate. It all depends on how you style them.
Signs your child is ready to start dressing themselves
At around 12 months old, your child may: help when they're getting dressed. put their arms up for tops and jumpers and push their arms through sleeves.
It is not inherently degrading. Women and men should wear whatever they please without judgement, as long as it is not lewd or insulting to others. However, wearing revealing clothes increases the chance that others will act in a degrading way toward her.
In the late 20th century, the term tomboy describes girls who wear unfeminine clothing, actively engage in physical sports, and embrace what are often known as "boy toys" such as cars, or other activities usually associated with boys.
Young children love to play the roles they see their parents and other adults playing. For some children, this includes boys sometimes wanting to wear girls' clothes. After all, that is what mom does. Also, girl's clothes seem so much more colorful and fun than the ones that boys wear.
Highly sensitive children are wired to process and react to their experiences in the world more deeply than other children. A highly sensitive child is very attuned to their environment, experiences, relationships, and expectations. A child's high sensitivity is about their temperament.
Fashion anxiety is common. We want to look and feel our best at all times, and that means we can put too much pressure on ourselves. Some of us may also feel nervous about stepping out in bold items, but that should never be a concern. As long as you feel good in what you're wearing, we know you'll look good.
While it's true that all children can be bothered by certain types of clothing, children with ADHD can be quite hypersensitive. When you pair hypersensitivity with the emotional dysregulation experienced by many children with ADHD, the result is not very pleasant.
The oldest pair of preserved trousers ever discovered were dated from about 1200 to 900 BC and were thought to have been worn by both male and female horse riders. In the 1700s women like Hannah Snell donned pants and took on secret identities so they could fight alongside men in battles.
The main reason for keeping boys in dresses was toilet training, or the lack thereof. The change was probably made once boys had reached the age when they could easily undo the rather complicated fastenings of many early modern breeches and trousers.
TLDR, gendered clothing as we know it today started in the 19th century, for a variety of reasons. Previously, differences in dress primarily distinguished between social classes.
Pair your look with a nice pair of jeans, a flirty pair of shorts, or a skirt to complete your outfit. Bring a jacket to complete your look and to stay warm if it gets a little colder. Try a red sleeveless top with some black pants to really stand out.
It depends on the guy and the occasion, but in general, both styles are attractive and will turn most men on. Typically, younger guys like girls in jeans, whereas older guys favor more sophisticated outfits like a particular dress.
Most school dress codes do not have specific rules that stop students from wearing clothes usually worn by the opposite gender (think of how many girls wear 'traditionally-male' clothes like pants, ties, men's dress shirts, men's sneakers, or heavy work boots).
The so-called "hemline theory" is said to have gotten its start in the 1920s when Wharton School of Business economist George Taylor noticed in good economic times many women raised their skirts to show off their silk stockings. When times were bad, women lowered their skirts to hide that they weren't wearing any.
Tartan kilts have remained a staple of national pride for Scotland since they debuted in the 16th century, though today they are often reserved for special occasions. In many parts of the world, however, men's skirt-like garments are part of everyday wardrobes.
MD. Toxic parents can be abusive, unsupportive, controlling, and harsh. Growing up with toxic parents can affect your physical and mental health, putting you at risk for substance use, low self-esteem, and relationship difficulties.
Controlling parenting – otherwise known as authoritarian parenting – is a style of parenting in which one (sometimes both) parents keep close tabs on their children's lives, over-involving themselves where they can. Parents like this tend to be overly focused on their own needs rather than the needs of the child.
There's also no need to wear a separate sports bra as workout crop tops already feature built-in padding material or inserts. However, if you're wearing a loose or relaxed crop top tee, you'll definitely need some extra support, so wear a bra underneath.
The answer, of course, you can! We created a plus-size crop top Insyze collection with our favorites that you can add directly to your collections or shop!
Of course! I know I'm extremely insecure about my body, especially my love-handles and tummy. I also think crop tops are cute though. I usually will wear high waisted pants, keep a jacket on over the shirt, or keep a jacket tied around my waist to keep from getting to insecure.
Western culture. The public exposure of the male and female midriff and bare navel has been taboo at times in Western cultures, being considered immodest or indecent. It was banned in some jurisdictions.
"If a crop top is worn with high-waisted pants or a skirt so that no skin is showing, it should be fine for most events. If you start showing skin, it isn't appropriate for work or black tie or any fancy party. For casual events, a couple inches of skin is fine.
But crop tops, as a general rule, aren't typically office-appropriate — and that's true even in offices where people wear yoga pants or ill-fitting clothes. So it's not an inherently outrageous request: no crop tops / no clothes deliberately designed to expose your midriff.
They may touch, poke, pull or rub their body parts, including their genitals. It is important to keep in mind that these behaviors are not sexually motivated. They typically are driven by curiosity and attempts at self-soothing.
Dress-up play usually starts around age 24 months, and continues to evolve as toddlers grow and gain more interest in what's around them. Your 2 year-old will begin to take notice of different clothing people wear to work, what they wear outside on a cold or rainy day, or what characters in fairy tales look like.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends parents encourage independence in getting dressed for kids ages 4-6. They suggest laying out an outfit the night before so your child can get dressed without having to focus on anything else.
No one should tell you what to do with your body, including what food to eat, what hairstyle to have, or what clothes to wear. Everyone has the right to make decisions for themselves when it comes to their own body and what clothes they choose to live in. It's up to you how you express yourself.
More than the feeling of pure nostalgia, it's a time of more inclusivity, less defined by traditional attitudes toward body shapes, gender, and sex. We can now spot that sexy, barely-there style – while also very put-togeter – across all genders and body types, something that would be unthinkable 20 years ago.
Clothes that aredeep necked or above the knees are categorized as revealing and not allowed everywhere. But in certain cultures, the tag of 'exposing clothes' is levied onto manyother types. For example, in certain countries, any clothes other than theirtraditional clothing are considered indecent and vulgar.
Most people select their kids' clothing based on their choices, but as they grow, they may not like those clothes and will express their dislike. So, as a parent, you should take their choices into account and let them choose their clothes, even if they want to dress as a Superwoman or Superman for a formal event.
These behaviors do not necessarily mean your child is transgender. They simply suggest your child is getting to know the world around him and exploring what he or she likes to do. Behaviors that suggest gender curiosity rather than transgenderism include: Wearing clothes of the opposite sex.
You could insist that he is a boy and try to put an end to behaviors such as cross-dressing and saying that he is a girl. The alternative is to let him be a girl: grow long hair, choose a new name, dress as he (or “she”) pleases, and when it is time, obtain the necessary hormones and surgeries for a female body.
Cross-dressing is the act of wearing clothes traditionally or stereotypically associated with a different gender. From as early as pre-modern history, cross-dressing has been practiced in order to disguise, comfort, entertain, and express oneself.
The fact that your son enjoys playing with girls' things or has qualities we typically associate with girls, such as sensitivity and gentleness, is an indication that you've been open and supportive and that you've provided him with opportunities that go beyond typical "boys'" play.
From around the age of 3 years, your child might enjoy dress-up games. Dress-up games let your child act out different roles, explore ideas about the real world and develop their imagination.
Children can dress and undress themselves by around the age of 3. This depends on how much practice they've had and how much interest they've shown. Often, younger children in a family learn how to dress themselves earlier than older siblings did.
Most school dress codes do not have specific rules that stop students from wearing clothes usually worn by the opposite gender (think of how many girls wear 'traditionally-male' clothes like pants, ties, men's dress shirts, men's sneakers, or heavy work boots).
“If your child has come out to you as non-binary, one of the best things you can do is educate yourself,” says Geisinger pediatrician Dr. Megan Moran-Sands. “Consider joining an LGBTQ support group on social media, listening to podcasts or reading books on the topic.”
Experts say the best time to get pregnant is between your late 20s and early 30s. This age range is associated with the best outcomes for both you and your baby.
About 40% of parents, across the decades, have told researchers that if they could only have one child, they would want a boy. Only a consistent 20% to 30% has chosen a girl or no preference. At least when it comes to what we think we want, the data is clear.
You have the right to choose what you wear and this should always be respected by other people. It's okay to express your identity through the clothes you wear and how you look. Clothes don't really have a gender, but society can put expectations or 'rules' on which gender should wear which clothes.
“In psychoanalytic theory, individuals revert their behavior to an earlier stage of development, and they may mimic childish mannerisms as well as speech. It is actually very common and most couples resort to it when they want to either display vulnerability or as a way to get closer in a very intimate manner.”
I recommend that you start with a talk where you respectfully and lovingly let your daughter know how you feel about her gender identity and what your concerns are for her. You can also let her know what you are comfortable doing in support of her and what you are not.
Her early desire to be a boy was NOTHING to do with gender confusion or being transgender. It was imaginative play. Actually, it's pretty common for kids to do this, and between 85% and 90% of boys who pretend to be girls, or girls who pretend to be boys won't grow up with any gender identify confusion.
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